So, may is here and winter comes bearing it's chilly wrath upon the great mass of land known as Australia. I feel a tad guilty right now because I'm hanging out at my mothers place drinking beer and not animating, planning most sincerely to drink a little more than is good for me. But hey, Mothers day is this weekend and it's her own fault for giving me free rein of the beer fridge...
Ahem, right... yes, so just recently Ian posted a groovy ramble on the ARC about managing time for our second and final year of study, which I found particularly amusing. In reality the post was more about making the course your bitch, than it was about managing time itself.
Curse you space-time causality! I will have acquiescence!
Where was I, right, the beer. What? no, not about the beer? LIES! FINE, be that way. So after reading this I found myself having something of a ponder. It was mostly things of a 'where do I want to be' nature. 'Well,' I said to myself. ' CHARACTER ANIMATION, YOU D**KFACE!'
So I'm a bit hard on myself sometimes, but someone has to keep me in check. It's kinda weird, sitting here looking the business end of the proverbial barrel that is my choice of career study course, thinking about what the hell I'm gonna do with myself after all is said and done. To be perfectly frank about it, I'm a little scared. I feel like an agoraphobic contemplating the big wide open spaces just outside his safe, confining walls. Maybe I should get another beer.
But I'm on a roll here. What scares me the most is the concept of failure. Failing is supposed to be the best teacher in life, yet it can also be the most brutal of adversaries, tearing to shreds what meager scraps of strength we can procure from our small fragile egos. That is what chills me to the bone, lingering thoughts of inadequacy lurking there at the back of my mind. I know what I want and to hell with anyone who says I cant succeed, but still as always my worst enemy is the blackest depths of my own imagination.
So now it occurs to me, as I sit here at a borrowed laptop surrounded by acres of open farmland (Agoraphobia, see? Wasn't all that random at all. Not that I have it, just seemed like an apt metaphor) nutting out my own thoughts as I attempt to master the laptop keyboard, that maybe, just maybe, I'm thinking too far ahead. Maybe I should get another beer, go back to Tafe on Monday morning and stop screwing around and concentrate on the next step to getting a job in character animation. Maybe I should focus more on changing my attitude towards the hard yards of animating and gods be damned, maybe I should get another fucking beer.
Maybe I will. On all accounts, we only have to wait and see now don't we?
Oh and the picture included is of a FF8 Gunblade replica I bought recently (I took the image from the global gear ebay page) for only 10.50! I am such a bloody nerd sometimes. But then other times, I FRICKIN ROCK!
